she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
