Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
