there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
