I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
