just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
