She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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