i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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