Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
