That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
