dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
