Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
