Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
