I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
