It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
