Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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