chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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