All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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