There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
