im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
