just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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