I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
