Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
