There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ttyl tear gas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
