Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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