he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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