oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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