We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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