Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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