I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
