Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
