It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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