my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
