i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
