You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
