Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
