i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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