I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
