She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
