you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
