Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
