Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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