Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
