If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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