i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
