I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
