Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
