talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
