i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
