I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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