I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
