We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
