After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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