Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
