It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
