I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
