I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
