i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
